Middle class rant

I can't seem to find my voice to find a suitable retort. I know the right answers but I'm just one, and they are so many...

I badly need to release my thoughts, so here I am now.

I remember I said to someone that I don't want to become rich. Why? Because that would be the biggest insult of all — acquiring worldly wealth in a country where 75 percent of the population is poor, where millions of families live on less than P100 a day. Then I'll condescendingly give them a fraction of my earnings and call it charity.

No. I don't want to become rich. I don't want to be one of those glittering, fake people who smile and wave at cameras. Showbiz people or politicians, there isn't much distinction in them. They are all whimsical butterflies feeding on the masses.

The problem with acquiring wealth is that you can never get enough. Because of competition, you need to struggle to remain at the top—stepping on a million others to get what you want.

And this culture of endless acquisition, of excess, of surplus, is an inherent trait of the current system.

I have other dreams. Being famous or rich isn't among them.

I feel uncomfortable with contradictions. But I know that someday, I must break free from my middle class woes, fight against middle class aspirations and finally tell my family what I want to do in life. Of course, disappointment is to be expected. I don't really plan to put my course to use. Maybe I'll get a job for several years, but I'm not sure if I'll stay on. Nothing's definite in my future, I guess (but then, whose future is really certain?). But in the end I will have to leave.

I just hope that, despite the disappointment, my family will be able to accept and respect my decision when that time comes. Along that, I hope they'll accept what I have to say, they'll accept me still.

Why am I saying this? Or better yet, what am I talking about? I don't know.

But it feels good to know that I have something to go back to in times when my resolve is weakening.